The thing that most forget while dreamily looking off into the horizon for the ship of their dreams, Jennifer, is that such ships never sail in, but are actually built beneath their very feet.
I really needed that one today.
I’ve been doing my old things lately. Picking at the flaws. But I’m trying to keep it to myself, because I know it’s my problem. And today, the note from the universe reminded me that my life is of my own making. I dreamed this reality into existance. And really, thinking about it that way, and maybe taking a step back and looking at it from the the outside, I can see that my life is pretty damn good. Pretty damn good, and, yes….even a dream-come-true.
Going back eight years…really going back in my mind and putting myself back in that place. It was hell. I don’t believe in heaven and hell, Bible-style…but I believe in heaven and hell. I believe that both heaven and hell are both formed by our thoughts. Both are self-inflicted. Eight years ago I was in hell. Self-inflicted. It was MY fault. Back then, if I had tried to picture what would make me feel safe, secure, healthy, and happy, I would have thought of…a nice place to live. The bills paid. Able to take a vacation now and then. A mate that loves me like there’s no tomorrow, and who would do anything for me. Healthy, happy children. A good bit of freedom…from emotional torture, from sickness, from addiction, from financial ruin. Lots of good ideas, and a bright future. And something that I wouldn’t have even been able to imagine back then…a smidgen of spiritual awareness.
I have all those things now. What a dumbass I am, looking for things to be wrong!
Yeah, once in a while I’d like to not be the one with all the good ideas. Once in a while, I’d like to be able to bounce a dilemma off of him, and have him come up with a creative solution, instead of saying…”I don’t know…” But he’s so good in other ways, in the ways I dreamed. So, Self, quit being such a bitch!