Master Cleanse thoughts, and cashew cheese recipe.

So I made it 8 days on the Master Cleanse. The night of the 8th day the lemon concoction gave me severe heartburn. We had guests for the weekend, and they cooked a yummy-smelling dinner here, and I got throught that ok, but I had a rough time with heartburn that night. I got up early Sunday (the 9th day) with every intention of continuing on. I had some out-of-town visiting and driving to do (ended up driving 500 miles), so I did the salt water flush and mixed my lemonade for the whole day to take with me. The first glass went down fine. The second glass was making me nauseated. By three in the afternoon, I was trying to get the third glass down and it was making me wretch! I stopped at Whole Foods to get my friend (the one I was visiting, who is undergoing chemo) some flowers and a fresh fruit tray, and I had some of the fresh fruit. I was 200 miles from home, hungry, and nauseated, and I decided then that I was going to end the Cleanse. Everything went fine and when I got home late last night I ate a light raw dinner. I know the book recommends fresh OJ for the first day, but I didn't exactly have a juicer in the car with me, and the fruit sat just fine in my system.

I feel good about ending the Cleanse a little early, and I plan on doing it or another detox in the near future. Right now, the thought of lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne makes me ill, but maybe I'll get over it. However, I have a new juicer on the way, and may very well do a juice fast when we get home from the unschooler's gathering in Ohio next month. I may do a green smoothie detox too...there are so many other less-extreme ways to take care of my body. I'm glad I did the Master Cleanse, though, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it for 8 1/2 days. It was the first time in my life that I have ever done anything like that. I remember once, about 10 years ago, I tried to do the "cabbage soup" diet to lose some weight. I couldn't make it through ONE day without getting sick of the soup and falling off the diet. Although I had committed myself to doing at least 10 days on the Master Cleanse, my body was screaming "enough already!", and I don't feel guilty at all for ending it early.

So far today I've had a green smoothie, and I'm planning on making a raw chili tonight, from Penni Shelton's blog Raw Food Tulsa. I also just made some raw cashew cheese to use on a raw pizza tomorrow night. I found the recipe online, and have posted it below.

Cashew Cheese

- 190 grams (1 1/2 cups) plain cashew nuts (not roasted or salted)
- 60 to 80 ml (1/4 to 1/3 cup) water
- 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice or good vinegar
- 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
- 1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
- freshly ground pepper

Makes about 1 1/2 cups.

Place the nuts in a salad bowl, cover with fresh water, and let stand for 2 hours.

Drain the nuts and place them in the bowl of a food processor or blender. Add 60 ml (1/4 cup) water and the rest of the ingredients, and mix until thoroughly puréed, stopping to scrape the sides of the bowl every once in a while. Add a little more water and blend again to adjust the consistency, if necessary; the cheese will get a little more solid as it sets.

Transfer to a bowl, cover, and let stand somewhere cool for 24 hours before placing in the fridge, where it will keep for another 5 days.

Adapted from Real Food Daily.

Day 7 of the Master Cleanse...and belly fat.

This one is going to be short, because it's after 2 am...but I've finished up day 7. I physically feel fine, but I've been extremely hungry this evening. I'm SICK of the lemonade at this point. I go back and forth between counting the hours until I can eat again, and wondering if I should go longer than 10 days! My tongue is still white-ish, and I don't feel like I have released any belly fat at all. Speaking of which...

I'm thinking that the stubbornness of my belly fat is more than just a physical thing. Sure, it's probably where most of a lifetime of toxins are stored...but it has also been the focus of a good portion of my self-loathing throughout my adult life. When I was 12 (and not overweight, but going through that awkward puberty stage), I can remember my father pointing at my belly, laughing, and telling me that I needed to go on a diet. It embarrassed me so much, and I spent all my teenage years fighting "the belly", even though I was not overweight. I had my first child when I was 20, and ever since I have hated my belly even more. I realized not long ago that whenever I look at myself in the mirror, the first place my eyes rest is on my belly. Not on one of my good features, like my eyes or clear olive skin, but on the part of me that I hate most. I've given it so much attention throughout the last 20 years, it's no wonder that it doesn't want to leave.

I read a comment tonight that made me realize that loving myself includes loving my belly fat too. It has served its purpose, it has protected me from toxins, it has protected me emotionally when I have needed it to (by keeping me embarrassed and socially isolated, but that was MY doing). It's given me a place to hide at times. It's given my children a soft place to lie their little heads. I need to love it before I can let it go.

I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I'm going to start talking to my belly fat. "I love you. Thank you for protecting me. But I don't need you any more. You are free to go."

Goodbye to 2009...

I started off the year with good intentions, and with only one resolution…to learn to love myself unconditionally. This year was one of the twist-iest, turn-iest, up-and-down roller coaster years ever. Plans at the beginning of the year (which now seems like it was 5 years ago) didn’t pan out; our close-knit group of friends has drifted apart, and my best friend, the glue, is in the fight of her life for her health (cancer). Serious marital issues, then business issues (which lead to the closing of my little dream coffee shop), then a move that I still sometimes can’t really believe happened…and now, at the end of the year, things are slowing down again, I’m in a new place (at the beach!), new plans are on the horizon, and I once again have hope for the coming year. Through it all, I think I was true to my resolution. I went vegan for the first time this past summer, even though it wasn’t yet permanent. I met my first raw foodies in February and fell in love with green smoothies. Although self-loathing has periodically reared its ugly head, I think I handled the adversity well this year, and now love myself much more than I did before.

I am ending this year at my job (I work 7 pm to 7 am). Tonight most people are celebrating with food, drink, and being around friends, but I will sip my lemonade and hunker down for the work that needs to be done. It is probably fitting that I will start 2010 at work…because there is a lot of work to be done in the coming year. It is good and rewarding work, but work nonetheless. 2010 will be a year of transformation.

That being said, I was glad to be coming to work tonight, thinking that it would be a good place to not think about all the food and partying I’m missing tonight. However, my coworker just informed me that she brought sparkling grape juice and hot crab dip for us to enjoy at midnight. (Us being her and I, since we are the only two on the unit). I have to admit, I immediately thought about ditching this whole Master Cleanse thing for some crab dip. I have kept quiet about the Cleanse, not telling anyone but my husband and those selected online communities where I am blogging about it. I am on day 6…so close! But this hot, gooey crab dip that my coworker brought FOR ME to enjoy is going to be the biggest, nastiest temptation yet.

Speaking of the Master Cleanse…yesterday, day 5, was the easiest day I have had so far. No stomach discomfort, no intense cravings (just brief passing ones), and feeling good and energetic. I even came to work last night with a good attitude about my job that I haven’t had in a while.

I’m glad to see 2009 go, though. 2010 holds so much promise and potential. My husband has started drinking green smoothies! We are working on two websites. We are finding each other again. My finances are finally straightening out after the café debacle. We live at the beach! And I am finally on the right track to whip my health into shape. I’m excited, and happy. Happy New Year!

Wasn't prepared for the intense cravings...

I just had a temper tantrum of sorts, which is very unlike me. My poor husband has been trying to not eat around me for two days, and he thought he would make himself some scrambled eggs w/ onion, spinach, and tomato while I was locked in my room with the laptop. Smelling it really set me off! Basically, I want to eat, even though I know it will not be good for me to do so, just like years ago when I was trying to quit smoking. Only, I think these intense cravings are HARDER than the smoking ones (not really sure, it’s been so long I don’t really remember). I'm going back and forth between abdominal discomfort and nausea, to wanting to eat everything I've been allowing myself to eat all these years. It's just like drug detox!

I’m having such conflicting feelings right now. I don’t know if I can do this, BUT if I don’t do this, if I fail, then I SUCK. I told my husband that. He asked me, “Would you really think you suck?” And I said YES! If I can’t complete this, after all my resolve to do it, with all the reasons why I SHOULD, then I am a total loser. I need to do this so I can believe in myself. That there is a hell of a revelation. Clearly, I have a lot of work still to do on loving myself.

Day three and four of the Master Cleanse.

I didn’t write yesterday because I just didn’t feel like it. I was grumpy yesterday (day 3), slept late and woke up kind of pissed off (at whom?) that I couldn’t eat. It was a day off and I was home alone most of the day, so I took it easy. I did some work online, did a little yoga, and that was pretty much it. I skipped the salt water flush yesterday because the day before I feel like I retained it and I was worried about the sodium. Oh, yeah, and I had diarrhea like 20 times yesterday, even without the flush. I read something online last night that said the salt water flush was an outdated idea, and might cause water retention if not mixed exactly right because it would be digested instead of expelled, so today I skipped it again. I did drink the Kleri-tea morning and night though. Today I slept late again, but not as late as yesterday, and woke up feeling pretty good besides having a crappy tasted in my mouth. I drank a large glass of water, no lemonade, and my husband and I went out shopping at the thrift stores for a few hours. We tried to take the dog to the beach, but the wind chill must have been 25 degrees, and the cold wind chased us off the beach within 5 minutes. All this time, I felt great, just a slight bit of soreness in my hamstrings from the yoga the day before. On the way home, I started getting hungry and every time we passed a restaurant I was naming all the food that would taste SO good. Major cravings kicking in again, this time for warm comfort food…pasta, potatoes, meat, veggies, salt. I got home and made my lemonade and downed a quart of it fairly quickly. About 30 minutes later the pain began. All evening, I’ve been having intense intestinal cramping and….I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty nasty stuff, but in short, I think I will do the salt water flush again tomorrow. My intestines seem to be trying to get rid of something, and they are having to work extra hard to do it. Needless to say, I’m not hungry anymore, I’m pretty nauseated, actually. I had a moment today of asking, “Why am I doing this to myself?”, which I knew would come. I have to remember I’m doing it FOR myself, not TO myself, and because I need to prove something to myself, AND because I’ve been struggling with my health choices on and off for years. Yes, it’s extreme, but the Master Cleanse is the kick start that I need. I’ve been too long with my actions not matching up with my values. It’s time to start walking my talk, and actually taking responsibility for my health instead of just talking about it.

Your health is like anything else, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. I’ve known and preached this for years, while not exactly living it. It would be so easy to stick my head back in the sand, order that pizza, and when I start having health problems, pop a pill to make it better. That is what the majority of Americans do, and that is why we have the health care crisis in this country that we have right now. I’m not that person on the inside, but my actions have not always reflected my beliefs. It’s time for that to change.

You know what? When this is over, I'm SO going to enjoy some raw chili, raw "pasta", and raw avocado soup.

Day Two of the Master Cleanse.

Day Two of the Master Cleanse is about halfway over. Of course, I worked night shift last night and slept until 2 pm today, so I’m only about 8 hours into my day. Last night was really hard at work, getting through a really boring night with no food. I fell asleep quickly this morning and slept fine, and felt great when I got up.

I took the dog and my camera to the beach this afternoon and had a nice walk. It was a gorgeous day, although a bit cold. In fact, I was quite bundled up on the beach, in thermal underwear, boots, a thick shirt, hoodie, and winter jacket on top, hat, and scarf, and I noticed the other people on the beach had less clothes on that I did. I even saw a couple of young boys digging in the sand wearing jeans and t-shirts, and no shoes. (They reminded me of Seth and Drew, who are away with their dads this week. That was one factor that influenced me to go ahead and do the cleanse this week while they were gone, but I miss them terribly.)

When I got home, I watched my Christmas gift from Michael, Dr. Wayne Dyer's movie, The Shift. It was very inspiring and brought me to tears a couple of times. It also motivated me to go ahead and order something that’s been on my Amazon wish list for a while, a copy of the Tao te Ching.

While watching the movie, I was bundled in: fluffy foot-warming socks and new slippers that I got from my mom for Christmas, the same thermal underwear and a pair of scrub pants on top, the same long sleeve warm shirt with the same hoodie on top, and I was wrapped in my new zebra-print Snuggie, another Christmas gift. I was FREEZING. I didn’t get warm until I decided to run a hot bath in my Jacuzzi tub. I got it as hot as I could stand it, lit a candle, turned off the lights, and soaked in the tub in a semi-meditative state for at least an hour, intermittently running the jets, but mostly not. The heat, the darkness, the dead silence in my house, and the movie I just watched, all had me in a state of pure relaxation, and I let my thoughts drift. It was really nice.

So, today has been a good day physically and mentally, but just in the past hour, a major craving has kicked in. I want BREAD. The Ezekiel bread in the freezer, toasted, with peanut butter, to be exact. I am a little hungry, but I know that this is a craving because a carrot or green salad doesn’t seem as appealing. So, I wait for my supportive spouse to get home from work, and in the meantime, I will look for some encouragement online. I know that this is temporary, and the “addiction” to comfort foods such as bread and peanut butter is one of the things I’m hoping to get rid of by doing the Master Cleanse. It is good that I can feel the craving, recognize it for what it is, and reach for the lemonade instead.

Day One of the Master Cleanse.

Starting the Master Cleanse. I slept until 2-ish this afternoon since I worked until 7 am this morning. I drank my Kleri-Tea this morning before I went to bed, and when I got up, I went to the grocery store to buy lemons. Food Lion didn’t have organic lemons, but I had read in the Peter Glickman Master Cleanse book last night that you didn’t have to use organic lemons if you weren’t going to juice the whole lemon or use any of the rind. My juicer is a plain little old-fashioned manual citrus juicer. I bought a dozen large lemons at .89 each. When I got home, I went ahead and drank my quart of salt water. Man, was that difficult! I am using Celtic Grey sea salt, and bottled spring water. I thought that I was going to be able to get it down easily by thinking of it as soup, but it was VERY salty. It was JUST like sea water. It took a lot of pacing and nose-holding and general psyching myself out to get it down. Then I went ahead and made a quart of lemonade. I washed my lemons before cutting them in half. It only took 1 ½ lemons to get the 4 oz. I needed for a quart of lemonade. I used a little less than the 4 oz. of maple syrup (grade B organic) that was called for, and I used ¼ tsp of cayenne pepper. My concoction is I the refrigerator chilling as I type this.

More later. It has been 45 minutes since I drank the salt water, and nature is calling.

Later: It’s 7 pm now, and I’m at work. I had a bit of a nagging headache soon after drinking the salt water, but I’m on my fourth cup now of lemonade and it seems to be subsiding. The after-effects of the salt water weren't bad at all, Iwent to the bathroom three times, and it was all over 1 1/2 hours after I drank the salt water. I’m sort of hungry, and I’m having a hard time getting the lemonade down fast enough to curb my appetite, because the cayenne is really hot. The cayenne I bought is 90,000 Hu (heat units), and the typical spice cabinet variety is a mere 5,000 Hu. I used ¼ teaspoon to the quart of lemonade I made. The “recipe” called for 1/10 teaspoon per cup, and I thought that I would start light…but it seems I will have to go lighter next time. Also, the maple syrup (which I usually love) tastes weird with the lemons. Another thing I’m sure I will quickly get used to. All in all, the lemonade isn’t unpleasant, and it’s certainly a lot easier to swallow than the salt water flush was.

Since it’s the day after Christmas, there is a ton of junk food lying around here at work. It seems gross to me, really. However, before I left home, the Ezekiel bread and peanut butter was looking really good. Nothing too hard to deal with though, which is what I suspect is going to be the theme throughout this cleanse. I am looking forward to a huge mental and spiritual shift later in the week, but for now I will just get used to telling the difference between hunger and cravings.